can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
