so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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