We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
