Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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