So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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