i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
