PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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