We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
