i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
