She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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