Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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