she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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