i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
