I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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