I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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