shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
