every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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