What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
