Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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