help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
