She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
