You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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