suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You pole danced in your parka.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
