well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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