So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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