My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
