dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
