Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
