I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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