Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
