So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
