Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
cat food counts as protein by the way
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize