Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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