My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
