his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
