There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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