We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
