I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
