Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
