We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
