Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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