you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
