I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
