if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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