I am spending my child support on dildos
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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