i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
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I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
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I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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