We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
