just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
