How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
