Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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