A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
