when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize