found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
