I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i think my mom watched the whole time
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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