so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
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I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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