where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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