Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
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How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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