I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
