Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
