I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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