oh god was she eating orange peels again
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
