Already got asked if we're dating
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
