K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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