I accidentally burped into my bong.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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