I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
